Couple updates real quick.
First up, this site may disappear for several days. NO, I AM NOT QUITTING. My finances have just gone cock-eyed and I fiddled where I should have faddled. It is not 100% that this will happen, because something weird happened with a recent transaction, but I’d say at least an 85% chance depending on how things fall out. We’ll see.
Basically, I don’t know how many of my daily visitors are regulars nor how many of you participate actively in Rory fandom but if by some bizarre chance people start speculating where you hang out? If you would be so kind as to inform them that the outage is temporary, I would surely appreciate it.
Should the outage occur it will probably start in the next three days, possibly as soon as tomorrow, and will resolve on the 26th, if not sooner. I’ve got several balls in the air right now and am not sure when any of them are scheduled to land. It’s maddening.
Second up, as long as I’m sure the math will work, I will be relocating AGAIN before the end of the month.
I feel a bit “Rory McCann in Iceland” with this. But I’m not happy where I am. I have had enough of a breather from the bad situation I was in back in Ohio that I am now realizing just how badly I want my own space. And my financial situation is so precarious that I know I need to be able to resolve the $$$ problem in a way that doesn’t tear up my car. You should see how it is here. It’s almost a third-world country. The roads are terrible and they’ve even left the landline phone lines to rot. I can make good money delivery-driving, but the gas I burn to get where most of the jobs are is ridiculous. Used to be I could start catching jobs before even leaving my driveway. Can’t do that here.
I would hobble along if that were my only problem but I am just not comfortable here. I don’t mean that I’m not spoiled enough or anything stupid like that. I just mean I don’t fit, socially or literally, and the latter is so much more important. I feel like I have no space of my own. It’s not enough to have room for my stuff. And I don’t have that either, anyway.
Also, and here’s the selfish bit I guess, I have been expected to do for others my entire life. Was doing chores at age 7. That’s not so bad, but let’s put it this way: I was SURPRISED to go home 7 years after my high school graduation to discover my brother had become a good cook. He hadn’t had to lift a finger when I was still at home except to care for his dog or clean his room — his mother and I did it all, except the yard which was Dad’s. That was my beginning. And then I had boyfriends and husband and boyfriends and kids and… I’m TIRED.
If I were getting anything out of this and not just losing years and sometimes earning power while the world went on without me like I’d never existed, fine, but that’s not how it’s generally gone. Younger kid’s dad gave me a car and I know most people would want me to feel guilty about that and I’m like “and I gave him nineteen years of my life plus probably the only child he’ll ever have so what the fuck would you say that’s all worth?” Only to have events go down the way they’ve done the past couple years, mind you, and NOT for the first time… this was just the first time I could truly tell him to fuck off. Thank Glob.
If there are any middle-aged women in your life and you find them difficult, they may have stories similar to mine. Give them some space and some grace. Likely they desperately need both.
ANYWAY. I will soon be back in a city again, and will have access to be able to keep up with this site better. (My library account is still active! Which means free internet! Yay!) Can’t promise frequency of updates. In fact a lot of the work here will likely be improving what is already here since WE RARELY HEAR ANYTHING NEW ABOUT MY DUDE. 🙄 But I will not be sorry to get it done. I hate that things have stalled so much here.
Okay. Enough blather. Here’s hoping on all counts… fingers mentally crossed. (I need the real ones free! Too much to do!)